3 months 10 days and 4 Hours
by meetjasper
Summary: Dimitri left Rose for Tasha 3 months 10 days and 4 hours ago. How is Rose doing? Is Dimitri doing any better?


** Hey! So my brain is kinda weird. I was trying to write the next part of Bittersweer Victory when this popped into my head and when i have a idea I have to write it or I'll never get anything done. I turn 16 Saturday!!! Tell me What you think:)**

**Bold-Rose**

**Italics-Dimitri**

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It was official I was a guardian. Better yet I was Lissa's Guardian, that was what I wanted most in my life. To protect my best friend or at least it was what I wanted most before I met Dimitri. He was the only reason I graduated, but he didn't even show up for the graduation. I feel the tears silently slide down my cheeks. That's what hurts the most; I understood why he had to go, but I never thought he'd miss the most important day of my teenage life. I loved him and he hadn't bothered to come see me graduate. I wipe the tears from my eyes and stick the picture of us in my pocket. It was my last day on campus and I have somewhere I need to see one last time. Slowly I walk out of my dorm and down to the lake. It was where I first met her, Tasha, the one he left me for. Pulling the picture out I stare down at him. I don't know who had taken it but it was of one of our practice sessions. He was standing tall a slight smile on his face; I was looking up at him my face shining with happiness. Looking down at him I say, "Do you ever think about me?"

_Sitting in my bed I stare at th_e_ picture in my lap. She had graduated today; She officially became the Princess's Guardian. I missed it. The most important day of her teenage life and I hadn't had the guts to show up. I'm a guardian for Christ's Sakes; I should be able to face my former student. I remember returning to the Academy shortly after I left her for Tasha. I was on official business, but I couldn't not go to the lake. It was the place where I realized how mature she really was. She was sitting by a tall tree. I watched as her shoulder's shook violently with her tears. I wanted to reach out and pull her into my arms, but I couldn't I needed her to get through this without me because honestly I wasn't sure I was going to make it. Now looking down at her beautiful face all I can say is, " Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?" She had been through a lot before I left her. She had killed two people, protected her friends and saw one die. After I left Alberta had called me saying That she had reports of Rose calling out for me in the middle of the night. I hadn't known what to say had I had that much effect on my Roza? "Do you ever call out for in the middle of the night?" I rub a finger across her beautiful face._

**I sit with my back to a tall tree. The last time I was here was a few days after he left. I had been sitting right here, basically in the same position as I am now. Except then I had been crying my eyes out, now the tears don't stream they only come at the times when I feel intense emotions. I remember everything from the first time I met him to when he said goodbye. The most vivid memory is also one of the more embarrassing ones. We were n The Witch's office and she had said Dimitri was Lissa's sanctioned guardian and I had yell, "You got cheap foreign labor to protect Lissa?" at the time I thought it was witty and a great comeback, but now after everything I've been through all the changes I've under went. I see how disrespectful it was and how it must have hurt him. Sighing I close my eyes and pull out my picture. "Do you ever reminisce about me?"**

_I close my eyes and see her. The way her brown eyes could look into my soul. I reach out and run my hand through her long brown hair. The last time I saw her was heartbreaking. Knowing that I was making the insanely strong Rosemarie Hathaway cry had killed me and still does. She's always on my mind. I remember the time we had went to the mall and on the way back she had asked me "Did you see that dress?" "I saw the dress." I answered "Did you like it?" I didn't answer and she took that as a yes. "Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?"She asked when I spoke, I'm sure she could barely hear me. "You'll endanger the school." She smiled and fell asleep against me. That was one of my favorite memories. I feel a tear slide down my cheek as I stare at the picture. " Do you ever reminisce about me?" I ask. _

**Maybe he still loves me. Maybe One day he'll come back. I just hope he's happy with her. That's ****all I want; for him to be happy. If that's with her then so be it. I love him and hopefully he still loves me. He has too how can you turn your back on your soul mate? I'm sure we're soul mates. We have to be. Why else would we balance each other so well? "Stop it Rose, You can't believe in something like that. He left you. He chose her, so move on." I say out loud to myself.**

**I can still feel the way his eyes poured love into mine**

_The way her soft hair fell in her face is engraved in my mind_

**how he softly pushed my hair out of my face.**

_**The way she tangled her hands in my hair**_

**I can still see him as he leaned in and softly touched his lips to mine**_**.**_

_the way a shock ran through me when our lips met._

**I know it's crazy but I can still feel his kiss.**

_When I close my eyes I can feel her soft lips on mine._

**It's been 3 months 10 days and 4 hours since he went away. I stare down and feel the urge to rip the picture in half. It hurts so much to think about him, but it hurts more when I try to forget. Why? Why did he leave me? " I miss you so much." I watch as a drop falls onto the picture. This isn't what I need, I have to be strong Lissa's life was now officially in my hands. I have to protect her. I don't think I can survive losing anyone else. "Oh Comrade." I sigh and pull my knees against my stomach and lay my head onto of them. **

_A sob catches in my throat as I stare at her. Her beauty was outstanding and can still take me by surprise. That wasn't what attracted me to her though. The loyalty and love she felt for Lissa was and is still outstanding. I remember the night I was sent to capture them. I saw the bite mark and I knew she would be weak, but she hadn't hesitated. She pulled the princess behind her and was in a protective stance. That wasn't the moment I fell I love, no at that moment all I felt was guilt. She shouldn't be worrying about the protection, not yet anyway she was just a teenager but that was going to change quickly we just didn't know it at the time. " I miss you so much Roza. I can't even put it into words." I should be over her, but something deep down won't let me. There is just something about that girl, damn I mean women. It's like she has a choke hold on my heart and refuses to let go._

**I should know better then to think of him all it does is hurt me. He doesn't love me anymore. He has Tasha. She can give him what he needs and wants. He has such a tight hold on me and there's nothing I can do about it. I tried finding someone else, but all that did was In pain. I should have known better then to fall for the Russian God. I mean he can have whoever he wants, so why would he want me? It's been 146,167 minutes since he went away. Left to be with her. My tears finally flow as I finally comprehend that he doesn't want me. I can't offer him what he deserves.**

_Do you ever ask about me? Do you know I left her. That I tried being with her, but all I could see was your face. I run a hand trough my hair and stand up from my bed, walking to the window I watch as the world speeds by. How is it possible that the world can still revolve while I'm without you? I glance down at the picture and smile. We had taken it at the Cabin, Rose still had her black eye. It was before we started fighting all the time. I smile as I stare at her, " I'd rather spend my life arguing with your stubborn ass then spend another minute away from you." Does Lissa still control your every move? Are you really happy playing puppet. Do you love your job more then me? Do you even still love? _

**Did I disappoint you? If I saved Mason would you still be here? I'm so sorry Comrade. I look up in to the sky and watch a star shoot across. I wish I knew what you thought or at least how you feel. "When the phone rings do you wish it was me?" I ask glancing at the photo. I shut my eyes tight. Why am I so weak. Dimitri was just a guy. No one even knew about us. He is my soul mate, but apparently he doesn't feel the same. " I love you D"**

_I watch the sky as a star shoots across, I just wish I knew how she is. " Do you still feel the same my love? Have I let to much time pass? Have you put out our flame?" I reach down and my hand lands on a bottle. I pick it up and throw it. My frustration come out and the bottle hits the wall and bursts into a million tiny pieces. " I love you Roza. I love you so much it hurts." What am I supposed to do? Without her I'm lost. I need her._

**I miss you so much. Is everything okay?**

_Is everything okay? I miss you._

_It's so hard to pass the time. Without her here I have nothing to do. I train a lot, but it just reminds me of her. She kept my life active and entertaining. I miss her smart mouth more then anything. It's been too long since I saw her 146,167 minutes is too long. How I've managed to live this long is beyond my knowledge. She's everything to me and I'm just now realizing it. I knew before that I ;loved her, but lately I've realized how hard, peaceful and lonely life is without her. I've ruined the most important thing in my life. I'm out the door faster then I ever thought possible._

"**You evade my thoughts. I dream about you every night. The way you a spark ignited between us to only be put out by you." I can't seem to get you off my mind. Everywhere I look I see your beautiful face. I see your rare smile and the guardian mask you wore so much. I can hear you saying my name Roza. Where .is the good in goodbye. How the hell is this good. I'm in so much pain I don't know what to do. If this was physical pain alone I could deal, but it's physical, emotional, and mental pain. " Goodbye? Why the hell is good before bye. Bye is never good." I yell jumping up and punching the tree. " Tell me why." I yell falling to the ground. I hear a twig break and I look up and see.....**

_My heart breaks even more then before as I hear her yell, "Tell me why." I watch as she falls to the ground. Before I know what I'm doing I'm by her side. "I'm so sorry Roza. I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much." I wipe the tears off her face. She reaches up and places her hand on my cheek. She has a look of absolute wonder on her face, " Is this real?" She asks looking like a little girl. I shake my head and feel the tears slipping from my eyes, she moves her hand and wipes them away. " I love you Comrade." _

So whas it absolutly horrible?

Let me know.

:))


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